


He was Worth It

by dragonheart1995



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, POV Jessica Moore, Pilot Episode, Season/Series 01, Stanford Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-08
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-07-13 22:19:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7139912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonheart1995/pseuds/dragonheart1995
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jessica's POV from meeting Sam until her death<br/>Spoilers I guess if you haven't seen the first episode of Supernatural</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I wish I could tell you the day it started, the day I knew. I didn’t notice it, but it was probably since the day I met him. And even then, it definitely had been going on a lot longer. What I did know was that there was something different about Sam Winchester. That was something I knew before we had been formally introduced, before I even knew his name.

 

I saw him at the library a year and a half ago. Stanford wasn’t known to be a party school, but on the first day of class everyone was usually running around the quad acting like idiots. But not him. No, he was tucked off in a corner, nose in a book. I remember being struck how at peace he was, how happy he looked to just be reading. I had planned on going up to talk to him but my friend texted me and things just happened.

 

As fate had it, we did meet. My friend Brady had been telling me about this guy he thought I should get together with. I really wasn’t in the mood until I saw it was him. He told me his name was Sam, we both were too smart for our own damn good to not date, and left us alone.

 

“ _Hi I’m Sam” he said shyly, looking at his feet, “But you knew that already because Brady told you just now, and you’re Jess. Not that I know you but Brady – “_

_“Stop before you hurt yourself” I said, unable to stop myself from giggling._

_He blushed straight to the roots of his hair and stuck his hands in his pockets, “If it isn’t obvious, I don’t get out much.”_

_“I can see that” I said, raising my eyebrows in amusement, “So how did Brady finally drag you out of your cave and out into the world of the living.”_

_Finally he lifted his head and I got to see his gorgeous eyes, “he said you were worth meeting.”_

_“And you believed him” I asked, knowing Grady didn’t have a reputation for being the most reliable human on the planet._

_“He hasn’t proven me wrong so far” he said grinning at me._

 

Any other guy would have made that seem like a slick line to reel the girl in. But on Sam’s lips, it was genuine. And that’s how he was for the whole night. We somehow got on the subject of history and all of his nervousness dissipated. There was a spark in his eyes, like he couldn’t believe he found someone who could keep up with him. At least that’s what I’m guessing because that’s exactly what I felt. When I talked with Sam, it made me feel like we were the only two people on the planet. We stayed at the party until the host was rolling the last of the drunk kids out the back door.

 

Sam insisted on walking me back to my dorm, and halfway there I slipped my hand into his. He stiffened at the contact and I almost pulled my hand away. Then he smiled again and threaded his fingers in mine and kept talking like nothing happened.

_“Well” I said, “this is my building. Thanks for the great night. I’m happy that Brady convinced us to do this.”_

_“Yeah” he said shaking his head, “I owe him big time.”_

_He jammed his hands deep into his pockets and resumed the scared shy boy posture. After a minute he looked up at me through dark lashes._

_“Jess” he said slowly, “I don’t really know how these things work. Don’t take this the wrong way, but can I kiss you?”_

_It was without a doubt the most adorable thing I had ever been asked in my entire life. And he wasn’t joking, he was seriously asking for permission._

_“How do you think anyone could take that the wrong way?” I asked._

_Before he could respond I stretched up on my toes (Good God he was tall) and kissed him. He kissed me back with a surprising amount of intimacy and force. It was sweet and sickeningly romantic, but not what I expected. Here I thought I would be playing teacher to the shy school boy. But that kiss told me there was more to this kid than meets the eye. After we broke apart I took a pen out of my pocket and wrote my number on his hand._

_“Call me tomorrow” I said, “I mean it, none of this fake promising bullshit. You call me tomorrow, two o’clock.”_

_“I swear” he said, “I will call you at two o’clock sharp. You don’t seem like a girl who should have a promise broken.”_

_I walked into my dorm room feeling like I was on clouds. I wasn’t normally like this but God, Sam was something special, I could tell. Just as I was about to go to bed the phone rang._

_“Hello?” I asked._

_“Hey it’s me” Sam said, “Sam Winchester.”_

_“Does it look like it’s two o’clock yet” I ask in mock annoyance even know I was dancing around my room in giddy excitement._

_“Yeah I know” he said, and I swear I could picture him brushing back his bangs, blushing even though we weren’t even facing each other._

_“So why are you calling?” I asked, silently begging he would say the answer I was hoping for._

_“Because I couldn’t wait to talk to you again” he said._

_I put the phone down, punched my fists up in the air and screamed yes. Then I calmly picked the phone back up._

_“Well then Mr. Winchester” I said, settling in for a long conversation, “I hope you have something interesting to talk about.”_

 

Not surprisingly, our relationship progressed fairly quickly after that. We went from never speaking to talking to each other every minute of the day. Some people seemed surprised when they found out we were dating. I guess Sam didn’t have the reputation for being super social, or social at all really. He really didn’t know anyone, too shy or confused on how to start conversation. I dragged him to parties, and everyone wondered how the geek got a girl like me. But Sam could charm anyone with his dimples and smile and within a few weeks I had turned him into a pretty good social butterfly.

_“You’re becoming a big man on campus” I observed, after the fifth person came to give him a high five for being able to make it._

_“I know right” he said, looking completely stunned but extremely pleased with himself, “All thanks to you.”_

_“You could have any girl here” I said, “Flash those pearly whites and they’re done for.”_

_“I already have the girl” he said, pulling me in for a kiss, “and you did that on purpose, I know you.”_

_“Guilty” I said, cutting off his next words with another kiss._

 

Ever the cynic, I expected it to fade. I never was one to be in a relationship for very long. But Sam and I never faded, we grew until we were both head over heels in love with each other. We were attached at the hip, if you were looking for me your best bet would be to try and find Sam.

 

Part of the reason I think was that Sam was so different from any guy I had ever dated. I tended to go for the big hulking linebacker type. They were usually overly confident with quick lines and fingers. They were more interested in my boobs than my brain and saw me as a damsel who needed to be cradled and protected.

 

Sam was nothing like that. He was beautiful in a sculptured angel way, long limbed with the scruffy overgrown hair I loved to run my fingers through. He was awkward and gawky, like he was still growing into his body. Even after months of dating he still stumbled like it was their first date. He was sweet, so sweet it seemed unreal. He not only loved to hear what I had to say but he would challenge me and make me debate. And he was sensitive, always willing to stay in with me or run and pick up school supplies or dinner if I was running late and didn’t have time.

 

Sam put up with my bossy personality, my bitchy mood swings, everything. I was no angel but sometimes Sam could make me feel like I was one.     

_“What is this for?” I asked, staring at the chocolate cupcake with the perfect vanilla icing swirl._

_“Your history midterm” he said like it was obvious, “you aced it. I was going to get flowers but then I saw this and I know how much you love chocolate so I thought it would be better.”_

_He’s watching me, judging my expression to see if he passed, if he did the right thing. I look at him and back to the cupcake and burst into tears. I couldn’t help myself; all this week I had been ignoring him and snapping at him because I was preparing for the same test. I didn’t expect anything but a cold shoulder waiting for an apology. Instead I got this, my favorite cupcake and a smile from a boyfriend who thought I could do no wrong._

_Instantly his arms were around me, rubbing my back and panicking, “Jess what’s wrong? What’s going on? Are you okay? Do you not like it?”_

_I laughed at the absurdity, “It’s perfect, you’re perfect. Why do you put up with me?”_

_He let me go and wiped my tears, staring at me an abnormally intense expression. After a minute he said, “Because I love you.”_

_And it was the perfect thing to say. We had never said it before, even though we both felt it. I guess we had both been waiting for the right time._

_“I love you too” I said._

 

Sam really was the perfect boyfriend, but he did have secrets. Secrets that were buried so deep inside of Sam that even I couldn’t get to them. Despite knowing trivial details like his favorite color (blue, in case you were wondering) and his biggest fear (clowns, no carnivals for us), I didn’t know that much about him. I knew he traveled a lot as a kid for his dad’s job and had an older brother but that was it. It wasn’t until they moved in together that I finally start to get bits and pieces.

_The house was perfect, an absolutely tiny row house that was falling apart. It was dirty and run down and completely theirs. Sam and Jess’, Jess and Sam’s. While Sam finished lugging in the rest of my crap I started looking through his box. I really needed to take him shopping, I thought, as I sifted through endless plaid and t-shirts. He really didn’t have that much stuff, mostly books and a picture frame with me and him in it. I did find an old silver frame at the bottom, finally some Sam facts._

_“Hey are these your parents?” I asked when he came in, holding up the frame._

_They had to be, he was the spitting image. Sam looked at the picture and a flash of sadness went through his eyes. He knelt down next to me and gently took the picture frame away._

_“Yeah” he said in a husky voice, “That’s my mom, Mary.”_

_“She’s beautiful” I said, “what’s she like?”_

_“I don’t really know” he admitted, “she died when I was a baby, I don’t remember anything about her.”_

_How do you mourn someone you’ve never known? I wrapped my arms around Sam and kissed his cheek. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help myself, I’m so nosy._

_“And what about your dad?”_

_He grimaces, “He took it pretty hard. He raised Dean and me, but he wasn’t a very conventional parent. We don’t really see eye to eye, on anything.”_

_“And what happened” I pried, “Do you still talk to him?”_

_“Hey what is this, sharing day?” he joked, pulling out of my embrace, “Come on you don’t want to hear my life story.”_

_“Sam” I whined, “Come on, this is ridiculous.”_

_“Jess, what’s past is the past” he said, “I just want to think about the future, with you.”_

_He was still trying to act playful, but I could tell he was panicking. So instead of demanding answers I let it go, for now._

 

Throughout the first few months of living together, Sam divulged a few details. I found out Dean was four years older, and basically raised him because his father would leave for sometimes weeks at a time. Sam’s eyes lit up when he talked about his big brother. Even though it was obvious he hadn’t seen Dean in a long time he loved him and looked up to him. Dean taught him how to drive, to shave, how to tie his shoes. The crazy adventures they got into were the easiest thing for him to talk about. It was everything else that he clammed up about.

_“Come on Sam” I begged, “Just tell me, tell me about your dad. I want to know your story. I don’t understand why you won’t talk about it.”_

_“Jess leave it alone” he said, “I don’t want to talk about it.”_

_“Oh Mr. Tough guy huh?” I joked, “How bout this then, if you don’t tell me I’m leaving.”_

_“You wouldn’t”_

_“I would and I will” I said, getting up off the couch, “Tell me or I’m walking away from you right now.”_

_Taking dramatic steps, I slowly started leaving the living room. Sam was looking at me confused, wondering if I really was going to do it._

_“I’m going to the door Sam” I called, “I’m touching the doorknob.”_

_“Jess, please” he pleaded, “Stop, come back.”_

_“Tell me your secrets” I demanded, “or else I’m walking out.”_

_“I can’t” he yelled back, “Don’t do this.”_

_I walked out the door. About a second later Sam came bursting out, grabbing my waist and pulling me towards him._

_“Don’t leave me” he said, pressing his face into my neck, “Not you, you can’t.”_

_He was used to my joking and kidding around with him. But I realized a little too late that he had taken me seriously. Sam apparently had some major abandonment issues, and I felt like a total bitch for egging him on like that._

_“I’m sorry” I said, freeing my arms so I could hold him, “I promise, I won’t do that again.”_

_And I was serious. I told myself that I wouldn’t bother Sam about his past again. If he wanted to tell me, he would._

 

I stayed true to my word. After that, I tried to be a little more sensitive towards him. Granted, I teased him mercilessly for stupid things, but the bigger issues I left alone. The inner gossip girl in me was dying to know, but I didn’t pry. I didn’t have to wait that long though.

_“Someone had a little too much fun tonight” I slurred, supporting Sam as much as he supported me._

_Finals were over, and Sam and I were pretty smashed. Not extremely new for me but it was practically unheard of from Mr. Studious. He would drink, just enough to make him smile more and be extra affectionate. But we were celebrating and I guess he didn’t care about limits._

_“You can’t have too much fun” he said in a sing-songy voice, “I’m Mr. Fun, I’m all about having fun.”_

_“Baby you are a funny drunk” I said, letting him collapse on the couch, “Oh my head, no more jungle juice, ever.”_

_“You know what we should do?” he said, “We should go to Hawaii this summer, or Paris. Or maybe both.”_

_“Yep, a very funny drunk. Come on, let’s go to bed.”_

_“No I’m serious” he said, trying to stand up, “Why can’t we? I’ve got a little bit of money saved up. Think about it, the whole summer, just you and me.”_

_“Sam you weirdo. Do you have any idea how much tickets cost?” I laughed, “Besides, don’t you want to go back and see your family?”_

_“No” he said, “I haven’t seen Dean or my dad since I came here.”_

_“Why not?” I asked, the sober therapist Jess kicking in._

_“Well because he threw me out” he said matter-of-factly, “After he found out that I wanted to read books and go to school instead of going into the family business. You know, when most parents find out their kid gets a full ride to one of the best schools in the country, they’re excited and have a party. My old man saw my acceptance letter, he told me I was a failure, that I was turning my back on my duty. I walked out, and he told me to not come back. So I didn’t.”_

_I was horrified, absolutely sick to my stomach. I couldn’t imagine a parent doing that to their own son. Especially to someone as sweet and caring as Sam. I can’t help but think of my own parents, and how excited they were when I got my acceptance letter._

_“I’ve never told anyone that you know” he said, laying back down, “I don’t know why I told you, but I’m happy I did.”_

_Within seconds he was asleep. I pulled off his shoes and covered him with a blanket. Finally, things were starting to make sense._

_“I’m happy you did too baby.”_

 

Sam could be the most ridiculous person in the world when he wanted to. There would be Friday nights when I would hide his books and we would just hang out like two kids having a sleepover. He would drop the serious studious look and act like a goofy overactive puppy. He would make weird faces and try to throw food down my shirt or try and dance with me when a song came on the radio he liked. He could be playful and grabby when he wanted to.

 

But there were parts of him that were so dark I couldn’t imagine what had possibly been done to him to make him do the things he did.

 

He was sensitive, always seeking reassurance and approval from me. He was unsure of himself and was always wondering if he was doing the right thing. He relied on me, which I’ve never had a boyfriend do, or admit to needing.

 

Sometimes he would hold my hand like it was the only thing anchoring him to the ground. If I ever praised him for something he would give me a look of such gratitude and adoration that I felt like a queen, like I was important.

 

He was definitely damaged, but he acted like it was nothing, or worse that it didn’t exist. There were nights where I’d wake up in the middle of the night and find him wrapped around me like a snake, clutching me like a child holds their favorite toy for protection. And then there were the nightmares. The first time it happened was about two weeks after we moved in together.

_I woke with a start. Disoriented, I looked around the room. Something had woken me up. My heart was racing and something told me that there was something wrong. I looked down and Sam was curled in a ball, clenching the sheet in his hand with white knuckles. First there was a whimper, but his cries quickly got louder and more desperate._

_“Sam! Sam baby wake up!” I yelled, shaking him._

_But wherever he was, he couldn’t hear me. I kept shaking him, calling his name louder and louder, praying he would come back to me._

_“No!” he shouted, “No, please no!”_

_He shot up with wide eyes, looking around the room for whatever he had been seeing in his nightmare._

_“You had a nightmare” I said, unsure if I should touch him or not, “What was it Sam? Are you okay?”_

_“What?” he said feigning confusion, “It’s nothing.”_

_“Sam Winchester you are the worst liar I have ever seen. You were screaming. Tell me what’s going on!”_

_“Jess I’m fine” he said with his most charming smile and a flash of dimples, “Just go back to bed babe, everything’s alright.”_

_“Sam – “I started, but he tugged me back into him._

_“I don’t even remember it” he said, “I’m sorry it woke you up. Just try and go back to sleep.”_

 

This happened several times since then. Sometimes it would be weeks apart, over time just days. Every time though he would brush it off with a kiss and a “go back to sleep honey, I’m fine.” I never thought of him as weak though. He was more protective than anyone I had ever met before. I didn’t notice it at first because he did it so subtly. But after spending so much time I was able to notice every quirk and little thing he did.

 

It was the way he subconsciously scanned every room as he entered it. It was the way he always somehow ended up on the part of the sidewalk that was closest to the street. When he walked me to my dorm, I thought it was just being gentlemanly, but I realized it was to make sure that I got in safe. And sometimes he would invent ways to pop in for a second, like a forgotten jacket or having to go to the bathroom. And as we’d enter he’d check corners and turn on all the lights to see if there was anything lurking around.

 

His security thing was even more noticeable after we moved in together. Every noise, any bump in the night was seen as a threat, a danger towards us, towards me. He wasn’t paranoid, and it wasn’t an obsessive thing. It was just another weird Sam quirk that I found adorable yet slightly annoying, like his inability to use a microwave. I put up with it and only slightly teased him; like Sam put up with my Gossip Girl marathons and occasional girl’s night in.

_“Sam come to bed” I yelled impatiently, “There’s nothing out there. You’re freaking out over nothing.”_

_“There was a noise” he insisted, “I just want to pop out there and check it out.”_

_“Knowing your luck it’s going to be a skunk, you’re gonna get sprayed, and then I’m not sleeping with you.”_

_“Wouldn’t want that to happen” he said smiling, sticking his head in the doorway, “Two minutes, I swear.”_

_“If you’re going out there I’m coming with you” I insisted, looking around for my clothes._

_“No!” he insisted, a little too forcefully, “What if you got hurt?”_

_“And you won’t?” I asked, playing Devil’s Advocate, “what makes you so special?”_

_“You’re right, it’s probably just an animal” he said, “I’m coming.”_

_A few hours later and we were finally turning in. Thanks to me, Sam was already half comatose. A bomb could go off next door and I don’t think he would notice._

_“Damn” he mumbled into his pillow, “I forgot about the locks.”_

_Ah the locks, another part of his daily routine. Sam had to recheck every lock, door and window. I had taken it to calling it securing the fortress, because he acted so serious._

_“Don’t worry” I said, pulling myself out of bed, “I’ll take over this round.”_

_“No I got it” he said, grabbing my wrist, “I have to do it.”_

_He managed to roll himself out of bed and stumble out the door. I pulled the blankets over me and pictured Sam trying to work the locks, half asleep with his hair sticking up in every direction and only wearing a pair of boxers that were riding low on his hips._

_After a few minutes he came back and crawled in next to me, “fort is secure.”_


	2. Enter Dean

I knew Sam was keeping a lot of things from me, but I didn’t care. It’s not like he was a murderer or was seeing someone else. Eventually we’ll get through it and work through his demons. Sam and I didn’t have a typical relationship, and I knew down the road there would be snags and detours. I didn’t care though, he was worth it. We were going to be together for a long time, maybe even forever since I might have overheard him talking about ring shopping! I loved him, loved him so much I couldn’t stand to be away from him. It was like an ache when he left, which I felt now.

_I could hear footsteps from downstairs. Sam was up again, maybe a nightmare or he was just hungry or thirsty. Either way I was going to investigate. Suddenly the idea of pancakes seemed like a good idea. Maybe we could have a midnight breakfast and stay up all night, then just stay in bed all the next day. I was so busy thinking about pancakes I didn’t realize all of the lights were off._

_“If I’d called would you have picked up?” asked a voice, a voice that definitely wasn’t Sam._

_“Sam?” I called, flipping on the lights._

_Well, that wasn’t what I was expecting. Sam was there, talking to another guy. He was a little bit shorter and dressed in an oversized jacket. Sam’s eyes widened in shock when he saw me._

_“Jess hey” he turned towards the guy, “Dean this is my girlfriend Jessica.”_

_“Wait your brother Dean?”_

_Looks like I was finally meeting the famous Dean Winchester. I gave him a friendly smile and pretended like I wasn’t confused as to why he was in our house at 1 in the morning. He gave me a smile back, a cat stealing milk smile._

_“I love the smurfs” he said, gesturing towards my t shirt._

_Summer was in full swing, and our air conditioning was broken. I had gone to bed wearing a pair of boy shorts and a smurf t-shirt that was cut well above my belly button and into a V-neck. Perfect for sleeping with your boyfriend of a year and a half, not for meeting his flirtatious brother._

_“You know I gotta tell you” he said, walking towards me, “You, are completely out of my brother’s league.”_

_Dean reminded me a lot of my old boyfriends. Too cocky and too used to getting whatever women they wanted. He was good looking I will say that, but in a typical nothing special kind of way. He was stockier and more angular compared to Sam’s lankier form and cute baby face._

_“Just let me put something on.”_

_“No no” he insisted, “no I wouldn’t dream of it, seriously.”_

_Who did this jackass think he was, mentally undressing his brother’s girlfriend when her boyfriend was standing two feet away from him? I shot Sam a look, wondering if he was going to do something about it. But he seemed to still be processing that after four years his brother was here in his house._

_“Anyway” he said, not seeming to sense my discomfort, “I gotta borrow your boyfriend here, talk about some private family business. But uh, nice meeting you.”_

_He gave me a charming smile that suggested if it was another time or another place he would be doing a lot more than just staring. I threw Sam a fed up look that read “if you don’t man up and defend my honor I will throw a complete fit and punch your brother in the nose. I know I’m acting like a stupid girl but this guy is pissing me off”. Okay, so I don’t think Sam read all of that but he did know that I was pissed. Finally he snapped back to his senses._

_“No” he said haughtily as he crossed the room and stood next to me, “No, whatever you want to say you can say in front of her.”_

_He wrapped an arm around me and stared Dean down. It was very similar to a dog marking his territory. Dean rocked back on his heels, obviously surprised by Sam’s refusal to listen to him. I gave him a sweet smile, I win bitch._

_“Okay” he said, “Um Dad hasn’t been home in a few days.”_

_He was trying to be casual but I could sense he was more nervous than he was letting on. I looked up at Sam to check his reaction but there was nothing there, no concern or worry._

_“So he’s working late on a Miller Lite shift, he’ll stumble back in eventually.”_

_Their father was a drinker, this explains a lot of things. Maybe that was why the two boys were always on their own._

_“Dad’s on a hunting trip” Dean said seriously, “and he hasn’t been back for a few days.”_

_Hunting? Was this the family business? I couldn’t imagine someone as sweet and bookish as Sam with a gun in his hands. Dean however, he seemed like the type to do something just because he could. I felt Sam completely stiffen next to me. His brother had apparently said the magic word, the trigger. His face hardened into something I didn’t recognize. Something had changed, something bad had happened._

_“Jess excuse us” he said, not even looking at me, all he did was stare at his brother._

 

And then they left me pacing the bedroom, banished like a small child while the grown-ups talked. I knew it wasn’t a hunting trip, I wasn’t stupid. Whatever it was, it was obvious that I wasn’t going to find out what was going on. To say I was pissed was an understatement.

_“Wait you’re taking off?” I asked incredulously as he threw his clothes in his backpack, “is this about your dad? Is he alright?”_

_“Yeah” he said all smiles and happy go lucky attitude, “Just a little family drama.”_

_He was acting like he was fine, but I could tell he was on edge, extremely agitated since his brother had gotten there. I thought that I was almost at the point of getting Sam to open up to me, this set everything back._

_“Well your brother said he was on some kind of hunting trip?” I asked, hoping to get him to explain that one._

_“Oh yeah he was just deer hunting up at the cabin. Probably has Jim, Jack, and Jose along with him. I’m just gonna bring him back.”_

_I couldn’t believe he was doing this, just packing up his stuff and leaving. Sam was the opposite of impulsive, he was the steadiest person I had ever met._

_“What about the interview?” I asked, referring to his Stanford interview that he had been talking about for days._

_“I’ll make the interview” he insisted, “It’ll only be for a few days.”_

_He got up and started heading for the door. He was actually going through with this, I couldn’t believe it._

_“Sam please just stop for a second” I begged, “Are you sure you’re okay?”_

_I was asking because he had a nightmare last night, one that made him curl over me, like he was trying to shield me from something. He wasn’t obviously, but he would never admit to it. His personal demons were getting the best of him, and there was nothing I could do to stop it._

_“Hey” he said, wrapping his arms around me, “everything’s gonna be okay, I promise.”_

_I had heard that song before. Go back to sleep Jess, I’m okay I promise. Honey I just get a little jumpy sometimes, I promise it’s nothing. I promise, it’s nothing, I just like making you safe. Was there any promise he’s ever kept?_

_“At least tell me where you’re going” I called after him._

_He came back in the room, “Jericho. See, I won’t even be that far away. I’ll make the interview and I swear I’ll call you. I love you.”_

_Well, I guess that was one promise he did keep, he did love me. I accepted his kiss but didn’t watch him leave._

 

Sam did call, twice. We did the small talk how are things going talk. Questions like: are you sleeping okay, what are you eating, the weather. He told me about the crappy music his brother played in the car (but really, who still uses cassettes?) and the weird motel they were staying at. They hadn’t found their dad but they had a pretty good idea on where he was.

 

I think Sam could tell I was still irritated with him. I know I was being petty and bitchy. Honestly, I was jealous of Dean, always had been. I had gotten used to being Sam’s number one. But besides that, Dean was trying to drag Sam back to exactly he had run away from. He didn’t care about how important this interview was for Sam, how excited and proud he had been to get it. Dean needed help, and he knew exactly how to rope Sam back in. And I was scared for him. Scared that if he stayed with his brother long enough he wouldn’t come back. All I wanted was for Sam to be happy. God if he doesn’t get his ass back here I’m going to Jericho to get him myself. 

 

The clock was kicking, it was getting closer and closer to the interview, and I hadn’t heard from Sam in a while. And to top it off, I had missed his call because I was at work.

_“Hey Jess” he said, “it’s about eleven and I just wanted to check in. We’re almost done here so I should be heading home soon. I just wanted to say thanks for not flipping out and I guess being understanding about what’s going on. My brother, he drives me crazy but we’re family. I know he can come off as a jackass but he can be a good guy. So anyway, call me when you get this. I can’t wait to see you. I love you.”_

 

How can anyone stay mad at him? And that brings us to the present. I was waiting for the last few cookies to cool so I could put them on the plate with the rest of them. I was just the little domestic goddess wasn’t I? They were an “I’m sorry you went through an emotional trauma and I wasn’t being a very supportive girlfriend because I was jealous I wasn’t getting all of your attention” present. My apology cookies were chocolate chip, Sam’s favorite.

 

I was assuming he would be getting back late tonight, so I wrote him a little “miss you love you” note to find instead of me, just in case I fell asleep before he got back. Now a quick shower, maybe watch the episode of Ellen I missed, then I was going to bed, I was toast.

 

I was just about to step in the shower when the doorbell rang. Who could that be at this hour? Sam! He had come back early! I left the water running and ran down the stairs. But wait, why would he ring the doorbell if he had his key? I guess I’ll find out.


	3. The End of it all

_It had been Brady at the door, which was a nice surprise, even though I was a little sad it hadn’t been Sam. I let him in, and gave him a cookie. He asked if he borrow one of Sam’s books, I led him upstairs._

_Something changed, like the pressure dropped. I turned around and Brady’s eyes were completely black, and he had the most twisted and evil smile I’d ever seen. He told me it was fate that he had to introduce me to Sam, it was part of his destiny. Then he told me that what happens next is part of the master plan too._

_He held up his hand and slammed me into the wall. I blacked out for a second, stunned from the impact. I tried to run but I was somehow stuck to the wall, my toes barely skimming the ground. I couldn’t stop staring at those eyes, those dark eyes._

_“Brady, I thought we were friends. Please” I pleaded, “What are you doing?”_

_“Brady isn’t here anymore” he spat, “I’m just using the meatsuit. And it’s no hard feelings, we needed to kick Sam back in gear, back in the hunting business.”_

_“What the hell are you talking about” I yelled, “Leave Sam alone, he has nothing to do with this. He doesn’t even hunt, at least not anymore.”_

_“He has everything to do with this” ex-Brady roared, “Azazel has big plans for him, for all of the special children. It’s a big game, but I guess you won’t be seeing the end of it.”_

_I knew I was going to die. This was it, no magic rescue, no miracles. My life would end in this room at the hands of somehow who was possessing my friend. Well I wasn’t going down without a fight, if there was anything I could do._

_“We have a few minutes” he purred, stroking my cheek, “Maybe you want to have a little fun first.”_

_My arms were frozen, legs plastered to the ground. So I did the only thing I could possibly do, I spat at him._

_“Go tell hell” I growled, fully prepared to face whatever consequences followed._

_Ex-Brady wiped his face, “No sweetheart, that’s where you’re going.”_

_He raised his hand and I slowly started being pulled up the wall, until I was on the ceiling, directly over our bed. He flicked his wrist and the most awful pain ripped through me, tearing into my stomach. I could feel a warm sensation bleeding through clothes. Brady winked at me and disappeared._

 

The pain is bad, but it’s the waiting that’s worse. It’s the knowledge that Sam is probably going to find me up here. I don’t know how much he knows, but I have a feeling he’ll know exactly who did this. I’m not a religious person but I start to pray. I pray to God, any god, that I’ll disappear before Sam comes home. That he forgets who I am and goes to that interview. I pray that he doesn’t get involved in this, whatever this is, and lives a good life.

 

“Jess? You home?”

 

Dear God, please don’t let him see me. Let him think I’m at work and make him sleep on the couch so he doesn’t come up here. But I hear his heavy footsteps coming closer, the shower. Goddamn the shower, just please, please don’t let him look up.

 

He comes in the room, looking tired, but okay. I can’t see any scrapes or bruises, just Sam munching on one of my cookies. He collapses on the bed, eyes closed. Sam baby just keep them closed, don’t look up here. I watch as a drop of blood, my blood, falls and hits his face, then another. His eyes open, and his face crumples into a completely horrified, anguished expression. I try to call out to him, reassure him, but I’m frozen, mouth open in a silent scream.

 

The heat, dear god where is this heat coming from? And the smell, I look down and realize that it’s my own smoking flesh. The ceiling is on fire. The pain, oh please just let it be over. I try and communicate with Sam, begging him to get out of here and save himself. I know it’s the end for me but if he lives I’ll be okay. But he’s not moving, he’s just staring at me, calling my name.

 

Through the flames I see the door burst open, it’s Dean. He sees Sam, looks at me, and immediately rushes to his side. He’s trying to get Sam out, who’s fighting him tooth and nail. Sam’s still screaming for me, and it breaks my heart. But I send a silent thank you to Dean, if he wasn’t there, Sam probably would have burned with me.

 

I’m waiting for the end, when Brady suddenly walks through the open doorway. He leisurely walks towards me and smiles.

 

“Just think about your life if you hadn’t met him” he taunted, “Think about everything that could have happened.”

 

I try picturing it; graduating, having kids, growing old. But every time I try to picture it I see Sam with me. If I hadn’t met Sam I would have had a normal life, a safe long life. But it wouldn’t be my life. The only thing I could think of was, “well I guess it was worth it, he was worth it.”

 

“Have fun in hell sweetie” he says, and everything goes black.

 

 

I know there was darkness, and an endless freefall. Maybe there was pain, maybe more fire, but I can’t remember. The only truly concrete thing was the bright light, and a voice commanding me to rest.

 

When I was truly conscious, I couldn’t remember the pain of the fire, of my stomach being split open. I couldn’t remember how Sam’s cries sounded. All I could think about was peace, of the good memories of us and everyone I’ve ever met in my life. The room I was in was calm and soft, with my favorite music in the background. With a start, I realized that this could be heaven.

 

I always joked that when I was done with the hustle and bustle of Stanford that I was going to lock myself in a quiet room and just read and bake for an entire week. This could be the place; it had books and a kitchen. But it wasn’t just that, it was the peace I felt.

 

I looked down at myself, still in my nightgown, and checked my injuries. But there was nothing, no blood or cuts. The scar I had gotten from falling off my bike was gone, everything was perfect.

 

“This isn’t the only option you know” a women’s voice said, “You do have a choice if you want to be here or not.”

 

I spun around and saw her standing there. She looked normal, with one of those faces that you forgot right after she left the room.

 

“What do you mean?” I asked, confused, “Am I in heaven? Why would I want to go anywhere else?”

 

“This is a mirage” she said, “Really you’re not here yet. It’s merely an image to show you what you could do.”

 

“Then where am I really?” I asked.

 

She snapped her fingers and the room dissolved. I was standing in the middle of a road. I didn’t know why I was here until I saw Sam sitting in a car with his brother.

 

“Don’t bother calling him” she said, bored, “he can’t see or hear you. Your strong attachment to him made your spirit follow him.”

 

“Are you saying that I’m a ghost?” I said, slightly freaked out.

 

“Yes, and if you choose, you can remain a spirit and follow Sam. But I warn you, it’s not advisable. Most spirits turn dark, and then you’re hunted.”

 

“And if I stay” I asked, “Will I ever see Sam again?”

 

She pursed her lips, “Your boyfriend’s fate is complicated, and ever changing. But if he does come to heaven, it will be with you. Soul mates, they have a way of synching up.”

 

Soul mates, they were actually real. I looked back at Sam. He had that little smirk on his face. And even though he was still in pain, I could see he was happy, that he was trying to move on. I’m not normally that good at reading people but I guess being dead heightened my senses. His brother was watching him in concern, making sure he was okay.

 

I didn’t like Dean when I first met him, despised him actually. But he had saved Sam for me, he was going to protect him no matter what. I wanted to stay and watch over him but I knew I didn’t need to, he was in good hands.

 

I turned to the woman, “I’ll go back to heaven, just give me a minute.”

 

Sam’s face, it was going to be the last thing I saw, the last time I would see him for a hopefully very long time. I was happy, yet incredibly sad. I watched him pass by, but I swear his eyes were following me. There was no way he could see me though, I had to be imagining it.

 

“Okay, I’m ready” I told the women, never taking my eyes off Sam.

 

“Good choice” she said, “now hold on.”

 

You were worth it, I thought, and then everything faded.


End file.
